hell or glory, i don't want anything in between
by Indecisively Yours
Summary: All he's wanted is for her to be happy. So when Emma calls it quits on them, what's Killian to do? MordernCS!AU


part three of the _folie à deux_ series

'she's my winona'

* * *

A loud crash reaches his ears; almost immediately, Killian closes the book in hand, throws it to the side of the couch, and runs upstairs. He finds the door to his and Emma's bedroom open, while the door to the walk-in bathroom remains shut.

"Emma," Killian calls out to her as he approaches the door. He reaches for the handle, finding it locked, and immediately knocks. "Emma, love, are you okay in there?"

She doesn't answer. He knocks again. Instead, he hears another loud crash before a sob escapes her. In a panic, he takes a few steps back and pushes through the door. It goes flying open.

There sits Emma, on the tiled floor, surrounded by blood.

"Emma," he whispers, taking a step forward.

She lets out a guttural noise, chokes back a sob, and continues to wipe away the blood into a pile. "I can't clean it," she whispers, tears welling in her eyes. Her focus remains on the pile in front of her before she screams, "I can't clean it!"

He rushes over to her, trying his best to pull her to her feet. She thrashes in his hold, keeping a grip on the hand towels she grabbed earlier. He tries again, this time successfully pulling her to her feet. She's covered in it; now he is, too.

"I tried," she turns in his arms and cries into his chest. "I tried."

Moments later she passes out.

.

.

.

When he sees her stir awake in the hospital bed hours later, he can't help the small smile that appears on his face. He leans over in the chair, reaching for her hand.

She immediately pulls away and turns her head to the opposite side, looking anywhere but at him. He won't lie, it stings.

"I'll...go get the doctor," Killian says. He knows it's best for her to receive this news from someone that isn't him.

It was better the last time, too.

When he comes back moments later, the doctor steps in behind him. He takes his seat next to her once more. This time, when he reaches for her hand, she doesn't pull away.

"Mrs. Jones, I'm sorry I don't have good news," Dr. Whale says, chart in hand. "Another miscarriage."

The ringing in his ears begins again. Just an hour ago, he heard this news, too. He still can't believe it.

Would it always be like this? Would they always get their three months of bliss only to crash and burn just before he was deployed again?

"We'll want to keep you overnight, just to keep an eye out on your vitals," Dr. Whale continues. "When your husband brought you in, you were severely dehydrated."

Emma weakly nods; the pain in Killian's chest begins again, and his heartbeat mimics what he hears coming from her heart monitor.

"I'll leave you to rest. Your nurse will be around within the hour to check on you, but if you need anything don't hesitate to press the call button."

Killian gets up, letting go of Emma's hand briefly before extending his hand out to Dr. Whale. "Thank you, doc." He nods as he exits the room, shutting the door behind him.

When Killian sits back down and reaches for Emma's hand, she pulls away. "Love..." he whispers, watching her turn her head.

"I can't do this anymore," she says, voice soft.

"Emma, what do you—"

"I can't do this anymore, Killian!" she shouts. Her voice breaks as she speaks, green eyes piercing his blue ones as she turns to look at him. "I can't go through this again! We go through this for three months, prep that nursery, only to end up back here."

He reaches out to wipe the tears from her eyes, only for her to shove his hands away.

"And you're leaving in a week," she cries. "You just...leave and I have to deal with this by myself."

He clenches his jaw. "You don't think I don't deal with this?! It breaks my heart that I have to be away from you; but believe me, if I could say I would!"

She laughs, incredulously, and rolls her eyes.

"Emma!"

"Just go!" she snaps. "I need to be alone."

He sighs, getting up from his seat. Without a word, he presses a kiss to her forehead before heading out of the room. He needs a coffee.

He swears he hears her cry moments after he shuts the door.

.

.

.

Five weeks into his deployment, he receives a package in the mail.

Divorce papers.

The letter attached reads: _It's what we need._ He disagrees.

Killian signs them a week later.

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.

.

Six months pass—he comes home six months later to David's guest bedroom (and even though it should be awkward, staying at ex-wife's brother's place, it isn't, because David happens to be his best friend, too).

Mary Margaret mothers him; she makes sure he has dinner each night and gets him out of the house at least once every day.

It helps keep his mind off things. Until it doesn't work so well anymore.

.

.

.

He finds himself at the Rabbit Hole two nights before he's redeployed.

As Ruby pours him his next glass of rum, he spots Emma on the other side of the bar. He raises his glass to hers, and in good faith, she raises it too.

He wonders if she kept the calendar, too, the one where he circled the expected delivery date the doctor had told them after their third appointment.

By the end of the night, he's completely drunk off the rum. Attracted to her like a moth to a flame, he gets up from his seat and walks over to her.

She still wears her ring just like he wears his and for a split second he pretends like he didn't sign away the best years of his life months ago.

He walks her home after Ruby yells, "Last call!" because despite everything that's happened, he's still a gentleman.

(And he still loves Emma Swan with everything in his heart.)

When he says goodbye at the door and leans forward to press a kiss on her cheek, she turns her head and presses her lips to his.

He smirks. He taught her that move. The thought doesn't stay in his head long enough because soon enough she pulls him inside with her.

He wastes no time, pressing her up against the door as his lips move against hers and his tongue finds her own. When he lifts her, she wraps her legs around his torso and he moves on autopilot.

After all, they did live together in this house for five years.

It's a mess of limbs and clothes thrown about in what was their bedroom as they become one again.

For just a moment, as she crawls into his arms before they fall asleep, things feel normal once again.

(He finds the date circled on a calendar left about on the kitchen and doesn't bring it up when they share a cup of coffee in silence before he goes.)

.

.

.

He gets injured four months later and the rush him to a hospital nowhere near home.

When he wakes up, they tell him he's lost his hand and ask for his emergency contact.

He tells them he has none and grieves for yet another thing lost in his life.

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.

.

Five months later, when he's allowed to go back home with an honorable discharge and strict instructions to continue physical therapy there, he's greeted by strange news (and an even stranger person picking him up from the airport).

"It's Emma," Mary Margaret tells him as she rushes him to the car. "She's going into labor."

He drives, because he's restless and needs to dodge her questions and needs to get the thoughts of Emma moving on with someone else out of his mind.

He's happy for her. It's all he's wanted.

Mary Margaret instructs him to drive straight to the hospital where David's waiting. Killian does so, following her straight to the maternity ward.

Before he gets a single question in (like, "Whose the father?" or "How did they meet?" or "Is she happy?") David slips him into a gown and pushes him through the doors.

"You're here," Emma whispers, attempting to catch her breath as she holds onto the bars on the bed.

He's pretty sure she's crying, and hell he kind of feels like he might start crying, too. So he rushes to her, brushes her hair away from her forehead, and places a kiss on it before reaching for her hand.

She grabs his prosthetic and the look in her eyes as she looks up at him screams of pure worry and concern.

"Squeeze as hard as you want, love. I won't feel a thing," he jokes, and it actually brings a smile to her face before Dr. Whale's instructing her to push again.

Three more pushes before she throws her head back in a sigh.

A loud cry fills the room.

"It's a boy," Dr. Whale says.

He leans forward and kisses her.

When Dr. Whale asks him if he wants to cut the cord, she nudges him forward. He does so. Moments later, they hand him a cleaned off baby.

"Meet your son, Killian Jones," Emma whispers.

When their baby's eyes open, he's met with blue eyes as fierce as his own and the longest pair of eyelashes.

Now he really starts to cry, and it's not long before Emma coaxes him down next to her because her ex-husband/baby daddy's currently about to be a blubbering mess with their son in his hands.

She wouldn't have it any other way.

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.

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They name him Liam, after the man Killian lost so suddenly.

(How ironic that his son came into his life so suddenly, too.)

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.

.

Three weeks later, after he's moved all of his stuff back into the house and they've put Liam to sleep thanks to a stroll around town, they make a pit stop at the town hall.

This time, they actually have to take off their rings—if only to put them back on each other.

Liam wakes up moments after the judge says Killian can kiss the bride.

Perfect timing, that kid.


End file.
